If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
