Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
