I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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