We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
