Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
