I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
