I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
