we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
