Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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