when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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