If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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