Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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