ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
