I think I am morally bankrupt
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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