the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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