Michael Bay diarrhea
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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