Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
