I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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