cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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