Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
