I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
