how can u be prego again
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
