my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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