You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
MIDGETS
????
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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