Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
