that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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