I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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