If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize