tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
