oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
