haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize