When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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