K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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