My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
