You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
