let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
