Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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