You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
why do cheetos always look like penises
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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