Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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