I can text with my tongue
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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