Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
