Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
