i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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