i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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