my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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