Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
