My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have aggressive nipples.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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