ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
