yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I look better un-naked...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.