So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom