I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants