If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.