it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
