Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
one might say we're banned from that church
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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