theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
