Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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