I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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