I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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