I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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