Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
