I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
