dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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