it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
