Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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