well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
