So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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