If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
